Autism – Parents make it worse

Today my Mum said “Autism is Nature versus Nurture. Parents make it worse and it’s only as a result of their pandering to them that they get this in the first place!”
I tried saying that they’re born with it and it’s genetic but I was told this was a load of rubbish and was an excuse for poor parenting!!!

I’ve had this through my whole patenting life blamed as a bad parent and forced to do parenting course after parenting course!!!
My eldest is just about to turn 26 and was diagnosed ASD at age 9. My youngest is 11 and was diagnosed ASD last year. My husband is 50 and is undiagnosed ASD. Think there is a pattern there. Needless to say, I quickly changed the topic of conversation and got off the phone quickly!!!! So upset


Sending prayers for you others play ignorant is easier for them you are an amazing parent making sure your child gets the right parenting for that child every child is their own person stay strong you got this. Use them conversations to fuel you to stay on fire keep being the amazing parent you are. I have been there right where you are.

I’m so sorry your family (Mum) doesn’t give you the support you so need and deserve. It’s sad that she won’t educate herself. You are not alone. I have no doubt that you are an awesome person!!! You go girl!!!

My brother said the same thing to me years back- we don’t speak any longer- one of many reasons… my approach was to cut the toxic out of my life – and my kiddos! And we have never been happier or healthier

Well, she is totally anti-science with a view like that. Why are there medical and allied personnel specializing in autism if it is nurtured? If you want a relationship. with her I would never engage her on that topic again. You must be a much nicer temperament than I am because I would have set her straight in no uncertain terms. Blaming you is totally unacceptable.

Take your Mother to the next specialist appointment. She seems like a bit of a know it all. The psychiatrist might diagnose her while she is there.

Am sorry to say that is pure ignorance on your mum’s part. Maybe she should read some books or even speak to a doctor that will put her straight. 😠

It’s something she is hearing. It’s sad they have so much misunderstanding out there

I wouldn’t get upset over very uneducated people’s comments. Just smile and say “yes mum”.
I knew something was wrong with my son when he was two weeks old. He would just cry and cry and I couldn’t comfort him. I did everything exactly the same as I … See more

Thank you all for your words of support.

I think having an autistic child and bad parenting are not mutually exclusive.
Don’t get me wrong. Bad parenting does not ‚cause’ autism. But it can definitely make dealing with the symptoms worse and the children more dependent on help.
I’ve seen plenty of bad parents who let their autistic child do everything they please without any boundaries ‚because their child is autistic’.
So I do agree with the part that autism is not an excuse for bad parenting.

My daughter has twin half-siblings who are 17 (she’s 18) and her father walked out on me in pregnancy and walked out on them as toddlers to move far away. They had a horrible mother and an absent father. While mine is 18 and known and liked by the community, her half-siblings have been in youth detention since they were 12 and will be headed to adult prison after next month and I’m talking violent crimes. Yes they are autistic but they grew up without boundaries and support. Now they suffer.

I do agree with what you’ve written. I know I’m not a bad parent and boundaries are so important especially for our youngest. I’ve been on a lot of parenting courses and a trained Parenting Facilitator to many approaches. That’s why it’s made me so sad for what she’s said!!

I agree to an extent. Only if, as you say, the parent is using the diagnosis of ASD to not properly take care of and raise their child. If your not seeking support, therapy, ect. And just letting the child act a fool and saying ‘ there’s nothing I can do.’. That’s not being a good parent. But that’s not being a good parent even if the child is NT. If you are letting your child walk all over you and not have boundaries it doesn’t matter if they are autistic or not. Bad parenting in no way causes autism. A parent is either going to be a good parent or is going to not step up to any challenge put in front of them for the sake of their child.

So sorry you have had to deal with this! Very Sad!

My eldest sister says it a load of rubbish and I just should have been hit more as a kid to bring me up better!

Why are you even talking to her?

I understand why she’s mad I would be to…but you gotta think that’s still her mom. My mom belittles and makes fun of my autism. It was worse when I was a kid….my mom thinks she knows all about it but she has no freaking idea lol. But i… See more

You sound like such a mature, loving and forgiving person. You mom despite her shortcomings didn’t do such a bad job raising you, it would seem.

Wow!! That’s worse. I would never be like that with all my boys!! So sorry she is like this. You’re such a resilient, forgiving and amazing person. x

As soon as that topic comes up hang up I actually wouldn’t even answer the phone 😒

Ignorant people will never understand. I bet you an awesome parent. Don’t let the haters get in. Easier said than done I know. All the best

Sounds to me that the bad parenting is coming from your mother. I would tell her to either educate herself or stay out of it, mother or not. She is not helping things at all her being in denial and trying to shame you. It’s very frustrating having autism and even more frustrating dealing with people who are science deniers giving their useless two cents.

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